Horror A.D.

Hello, My Name Is Horatio. I Am a Magician in Training
August 14, 2013, 9:29 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

One night I was hanging out with a group of theater friends at a local Baltimore bar.  The subject of conversation was creating a variety show.  We talked about all the acts we would love to show at the theater in this kind of an event: burlesque, boylesque, fire eating, sideshow, music, acrobats, aerial dancers and magic.  We knew someone for everything, but magic.  I ran through my rolodex and all I could think of was Spencer Horsman.  He was blowing up though, always out in Vegas after America’s Got Talent .  Besides, we had only talked a couple times at Illusions around shows.  Not only that, when I think about the acts we mentioned I thought darker magic.  Black magic.  Blood magic.  I thought Montag the Magnificent and Master Sardu.  Thus inspiration struck.  This year I took on the task of learning magic.  Nothing big.  I just want to learn a few card tricks, basic sleights of hand, a few minor illusions, some gags I can drape in a veil of blood and guts. 


…and I still can’t find her g spot! I’ll be here all week. Order the veal.


So far, I’ve drilled some basics off and on througout the year, but nothing substantial.  Then I hit this article.  The part of the article that speaks to this post is the simple concept of 10 minutes, 2 times a day for 3 months to get 1 basic trick down.  Then add another trick.  You will notice your progress.  Now this speaks to me because I am a couple weeks out to the end of the P90X program.  I’ve lost roughly 70 pounds this year because of it.  The workouts work on a similar principle to the one in the article, “you can do anything for 30 seconds,” and “stick with it, there is a payoff sooner than you think.” With that association fresh in mind, I’ve been carving out 10 minutes every morning and evening to do nothing but practice a double lift.  

Here are a few realizations I’ve had while doing double lifts for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.

 I Am Awkward

I have the manual dexterity of a cat.  It’s pretty bad when something without opposable thumbs can work a seat belt better than me.  I find myself flinging cards around the room, fumbling, and giving myself paper cuts all the time.  But a little less each practice session.  Like Tony Horton (he’s the P90X guy)  always says right before something shitty, “You can do anything for 30 seconds”.  And it’s true.  Just 10 minutes out of my morning and I’m seeing results already.  Give me a few months, and David Blane will think I changed the color of the card on him.


Tony Horton likes eating bananas with Superman.

I Want To Do Magic

My attitude toward this going in was, “I don’t really want to be a magician.  I just want to spray blood on people”.  I have no desire to push the bounds of magic or to be remembered as someone that fooled the crowd.  I just want to have fun, make people laugh, gasp and maybe throw up a little.


I was looking for a .gif of a vomit train, but I stopped caring. Here’s some kittens.

 I’m in it for the performance, not the magic.  Then I realized that IS magic.  Suspend their disbelief long enough to get people immersed into what you’re doing.  I already do stage magic with the grand guignol.  Every gaffe is a slight.  I’m okay with this.

Magic Is a True Test of Creativity

There is an amazing amount of creativity to setting up gaffes for stage and film.  Creatively hiding sight lines or creating props that look real is tough.  The up side? Usually people will accept whatever you give them if you pump out a blood hose.  Why?  Fuck you, blood hose!  That’s why.  With magic, people are leery right off the bat.  They sit and pick apart the performances like an old lady at the end of a underwear assembly line with a stamp that says “Inspected by No. 48”.  To be a magician, one has to go above and beyond to draw the crowd in and get them on board.  I hope adding the blood hose will help me out a little with this.  Who knows, we’ll see where this takes me.


I wrote the whole post without a Gob reference. High five!